12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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