Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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