I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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