i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she looked like the before picture.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
