don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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