Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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