I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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