Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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