Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
