So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
