Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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