Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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