I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
