If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
