I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
