Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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