I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Randomize
