You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
