we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
