I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
