Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My boob is missing a layer of skin
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
