We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
