party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
