Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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