pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
