Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
