I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
