Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I look better un-naked...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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