Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
