Yo dont text me then not text me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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