Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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