So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
