im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
