her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
