Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
