Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
