I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
