if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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