your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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