how do flat chested girls get laid?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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