I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
