wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am spending my child support on dildos
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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