I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
