she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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