I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
