I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
