i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
