I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
