cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
