Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
