May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
