Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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