Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
