I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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