i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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