I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
